Linda White Dove

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photo by Nina Gerzon www.ninagerzonphotography.com

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Beyond Emotional Intensity Into Ease and Flow

With so many people I know going through a lot of strong emotional clearing, I have decided to share with you a technique I often use when I feel triggered by people or situations. I also use it when I can tell some strong emotion is brewing inside me but I do not know what it is. The beauty of this technique is that it is easy to use, does not require that you know the cause, and it usually quickly defuses the intensity, leaving you with a sense of peace. Repeated use of this technique will remove any attachments to the people and situations, along with the reactivity.

Here is the technique:

Begin by tuning into your infinite self. You have a small (personality/ego) self, and yet you are also an infinite being to whom whatever triggers you is just a miniscule grain of sand in comparison. Working as your infinite self gets you beyond feeling powerless in the grip of a situation and gives you the perspective from which to easily resolve what used to feel impossible. Your infinite self is always present; all you have to do to access it is feel it.

Once you sense yourself as your infinite self, stay with the experience while also remembering the situation (or person) that brings up the strong feelings (or just the strong feeling if you do not know the cause). Notice any sensations inside your body, for example tension or heat that arise from thinking about the situation. Now, let go of any thoughts or memories, allowing your mind to be quiet and still. Feel the sensations related to the situation. Stay with the experience of the sensation, allowing it to do whatever it needs to do, with no resistance or direction from you. It is important to stay with the sensation only. If you find yourself evaluating, wondering what is unfolding, judging yourself for the sensation or situation or using your mind in any way, refocus on the sensation.

As you stay with the sensation, sometimes it will move up your chakras and out your crown, other times it will release through another chakra or body area and other times it will move around your body eventually dissipating or transforming. All you have to do is stay with the experience of the sensation until it releases, dissipates or transforms. If the sensation is intense or painful, reconnecting with your expansiveness, your infinite self, makes the process gentler.

When you work with a situation or person via sensation, you address emotions, thoughts, physical challenges and all aspects of the situation. Because you do not spend a lot of time in the mental/emotional ego processes that keep people stuck much of the time, this is a much quicker way to process than any other approach I have tried. Sometimes results even come after one session, although often I find it takes more. The way to tell if you have done the healing: remember the situation again and see if sensations still come up. Usually even if I still react, the response is not as strong as before.

Another nice thing about working with sensation in this way is that when you work with sensation as an infinite being, you work with your inner Presence/Knowing. This aspect of you is actually your wholeness and it knows exactly why you respond and exactly how to “fix” it. You allow your Presence to lead the process without the need for your smaller ego self to have to figure things out. Besides, most of the things we think and the ways we process intellectually is based on ego illusion anyway and it is ultimately irrelevant, despite how it may feel sometimes.

I hope you find this technique helpful. If you have any questions about it, let me know. I am happy to clarify. And if you want to share any successes, I would love to hear about it.

Linda White Dove
http://www.lindawhitedove.com
Copyright 2009 Linda White Dove

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Change Everything By Doing Nothing!

Life Mastery and Sexual Empowerment Attunement clients often e-mail me to ask if they are attuning correctly. The idea of getting real results using simple intent seems too easy to actually work. Most of us are accustomed to a more therapy oriented approach to transformation, one that requires a lot of "inner work." Even many spiritual healing and manifestation approaches require use of symbols, ritual, complicated techniques, introspection, long guided meditations, and/or calling in a bunch of guides asking for answers and healing.

This reminds me of another topic I often see discussed in social change circles: the belief that whatever we wish to accomplish in life requires measurable physical action. In other words if we do not "do" something, we cannot get results. I have noticed a lot of criticism of "meditating on one's navel," especially from social change activists and family/friends of lightworkers who are concerned their loved one has become lazy and unrealistic as a result of their newly found spirituality.

While there are probably many people who use spirituality as a reason to avoid taking necessary steps to improve their lives, there are also many people who understand the power of contemplative activities to bring about change in the physical world. By going within, you open the door to the inner landscape which is the blueprint to everything in the physical world. The more you do this, the easier it becomes to access the blueprint level of the physical, and be able to change it with a simple flicker of intent. To a casual observer it may look like no action is taking place, but it is. The meditator is working with exponentially enhanced efficiency because they are using their full resources. Most of who we are, most of our power, is under the surface, in the realms of the inner landscape.

By becoming more in touch with our inner landscapes, less physical action is necessary because we are literally creating the foundation that brings about the right people and circumstances so we do not have to expend as much effort running around, researching, and otherwise trying to make things happen. Some physical action is probably still necessary, but things will seem to fall into place with greater ease and seeming efficiency.

When you attune to Life Mastery and/or Sexual Empowerment using the Life Mastery and Sexual Empowerment Attunements, it may seem unrealistic that reading one paragraph, stating an intent to attune, and relaxing for a few minutes can bring any tangible results, but each time you tune in, you are connecting to the totality of your inner landscape, transforming it, and becoming more in tune with your ability as a master, empowered landscaper, both internal and external. Each time you do this, it becomes increasingly easier to get results with seemingly little physical activity and even seemingly little internal activity. The hardest part is letting go of believing you need to exert a lot of effort, time and suffering in order to have positive change. Hopefully this article has made it easier.

Linda White Dove
Copyright 2010 Linda White Dove
http://www.lindawhitedove.com

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Unlimited Living!

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), there is a famous saying: The map is not the territory. In other words, there is life, and there is your interpretation of life. Your interpretation is your road map to living, but that does not mean it is complete or accurate. It is not.

With NLP the goal is to have a better map, one that will get the desired outcomes. My goal is to take that another step further and help you live beyond the map. Imagine tapping into the infinite nature of life, including your life, to exist without the limitations of the map, and change between maps as needed.

The map could be thought of as your ego, and the infinite is the full picture of you: your wholeness/divinity. Both are necessary, but everything works better when the infinite is the driver who uses the map of the ego as an assistant. To do this, you need to see the map for what it is: an interpretation. Unfortunately if all you see is the map, it is difficult to realize, or even be willing to accept the map is not all there is. This catch 22 can make it seem impossible to connect with the larger picture of the territory, but it is possible and simpler than you might think.

To move beyond the limits of the map requires moving beyond the need to interpret, and into the realm of direct experience. Direct experience is what happens before you apply the filter of thinking, interpreting and understanding to your experience. It is pre-thought. Some people call this the witness mind, but for me it is not a mental process; it is sensory. By staying focused on the sensory nature of the infinite territory, you can move beyond the limits of the map, and change maps as needed to bring the best outcome to any situation. Pre-thought will open your awareness, bringing fresh perspective and infinite well being to every aspect of your daily life.

When you use your Life Mastery and/or Sexual Empowerment Attunements, you are, among other things, opening yourself to the infinite territory of pre-thought. Instruction on how to get to the place of Life Mastery and/or Sexual Empowerment is like offering a map. It may seem comforting because it is familiar but it will only take you so far. Letting go of the map using an experiential approach such as attuning can feel like letting go of everything you know, letting go of reality itself, until you discover that the map is not the territory and infinite possibilities for fulfillment open for you to explore and enjoy. What are you waiting for? Have fun!

Linda White Dove
Copyright 2010 Linda White Dove
http://www.lindawhitedove.com

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AGING GRACEFULLY WITH VITALITY

Vitality is an inner fountain of youth, always present and available to everyone regardless of age. The advancing of years does not automatically mean experiencing the signs and challenges of aging. By understanding the difference between chronological age and vitality, it is possible to age gracefully: to live a long, healthy, vibrant, productive life regardless of the number of candles on your birthday cake.

Many people believe to age gracefully means to not put a lot of effort into trying to fight the signs and challenges of aging, enjoying them as a sign of wisdom and beauty. Other people believe aging gracefully requires fighting back in whatever ways are necessary to look and feel youthful. While both of these approaches to aging gracefully have their benefits and are useful, tapping into your vitality and bringing it forward in your body and your life is easy to do and can improve your health and appearance. It can also enhance the results from any other approaches you use.

To better understand what it means to age gracefully, it is helpful to understand what it means to be graceful. One example of gracefulness comes from dancers. If you compare a professional dancer to someone who does not dance well, the difference in gracefulness is obvious. What is less obvious is how the dancer developed gracefulness. When you see a ballerina doing leg lifts she is doing more than developing strength and flexibility. She is becoming more aware of her body and how it feels to move. She feels the rhythm and flow of vitality through her body. She feels her muscles, bones, tendons, joints, her blood flowing, her inhalations and exhalations. She is oriented to her body in such a way that she can easily align with how it feels to move with every part working together in a way that looks effortless to the casual observer, and feels great to her.

Thus a dancer has an awareness of her body which enables her to move gracefully. Focusing on strength, flexibility and form, without awareness, could be a good fitness routine and lead to a nice looking body. However, the measure of a dancer’s gracefulness is in the way everything works together so that she expresses something more than just movements combined into a routine. The dancer expresses her deepest truths, her heart and soul, and universal truths and emotions via her awareness. This is the difference between someone who moves well and someone who is truly graceful.

Awareness is also the foundation for the martial arts. In the movie, “The Karate Kid,” the young karate student is impatiently painting a fence, wondering when he will begin his real instruction. He does not realize he is learning by the kinesthetic sensation of his brush strokes as he paints, and as he learns to be patient and present. Every martial arts demonstration and competition is based on inner awareness. From awareness comes the ability to sense the vitality of life, also known as life force, chi, or Reiki.

Martial arts teaches how to work with the vitality of life rather than fight against it, making it common sense for a person to be able to easily break bricks with her head or win a competition. The seemingly amazing feats associated with the martial arts require a strong presence leading to a quiet mind and a focused awareness. Strength and agility are secondary and come from being present. By developing awareness of the vitality of life and working with it many things are possible that might otherwise be very difficult.

Another example of gracefulness is social gracefulness. Social gracefulness is the ability to relate from authenticity, integrity and compassion with diverse groups of people in a variety of social settings. What makes someone socially graceful? First she has a strong enough relationship with herself that she is in touch with her authenticity. She knows when she is coming from integrity and compassion. It feels so wonderful to be in alignment with her vitality in this way that it becomes the foundation for how she interacts with others. She is able to experience and bring out the best in people because that is how she lives. People enjoy being around her and they trust her.

A socially graceful person is a good listener because she is truly interested in what people have to say. She is a skilled problem solver and conflict mediator because she can see the common ground between people and respect all points of view. When working with others, she is able to handle the conflicting personalities and needs of co-workers, supervisors and customers, without getting bogged down in office politics and personality skirmishes. Sometimes she is extroverted, sometimes not. The introspection developed from introversion can lead to very strong inner relationships, as well as good listening and observational skills. The foundation of social gracefulness is a strong inner relationship, which can be found in both introverts and extroverts.

What does this have to do with aging? The same concept of gracefulness and vitality that applies to dancing, martial arts and social graces also applies to youthfulness. By developing a strong inner relationship you can become more in tune with your vitality and how to work with it, enabling you to advance in chronological years while staying connected to the never ending abundance of youthfulness.

You have probably met someone who despite her age or perhaps even despite her life style and health choices can move with the ease of someone much younger, whose skin has a healthy glow, whose mind is sharp and whose health is really good. If you ask her how she does it, she might credit her success to the things she enjoys doing, the people she loves or even to her spiritual beliefs.

Whether or not you are spiritually oriented, the spiritual definition of grace has something to teach about youthfulness. Grace is the sense of something deeper than your usual experience, something infinite and timeless that is inside and all around you. Gracefulness is what happens as you align with it and be nourished and supported by it. This is what a dancer notices as she moves. It is being in the zone. It is the foundation for the martial arts and social graces. It is the key to youthful vitality.

Any dancer, martial artist or socially graceful person will tell you that the feeling of vitality while they do what they love is one of the best feelings ever. It is like a great meal, wonderful lovemaking and chocolate combined together. You do not have to be a dancer, martial artist or socially graceful person to experience gracefulness, nor do you have to engage in a specific activity or be religious. The same is true for experiencing your vitality. Anyone can develop the awareness of self that is the foundation for gracefulness and use it to experience vitality. Although aging may show up in the body, I believe it originates in the mind.

Every time you hold yourself back from being yourself because you are afraid of what others may think, or for any other reason, you are resisting the natural flow of life and therefore your gracefulness and vitality. Vitality is life and when you resist life, you resist vitality. Over time, the amount of effort necessary to hold yourself back becomes an ever increasing drain, leaving you with less energy to go about your everyday activities and leaving you open to health challenges and signs of aging. If you hold a 5 pound weight over your head for a few minutes, it is probably easy, but to hold it for days, weeks, months or years is impossible. You would be in pain, your muscles would hurt and it would be hard to do the things you need to in life because all your energy would be going towards holding the weight. Your vitality would still exist for you to tap into but you would be too preoccupied with the weight to notice. This is a metaphor for what it is like to resist life.

As we age, the amount of vitality we have available remains constant. What changes is how much we choose to access it. In order for a dancer, martial artist or socially oriented person to develop the inner relationship that enables her to be graceful, she has to confront all the things that hold her back from expressing her abilities and thus herself. She has to face her fear of not being good enough, of what people will think, of what might happen if she were successful, even her fear of the unknown. As she does this, she discovers the true freedom of how wonderful it feels to be herself and this shows in her gracefulness.

Are you holding onto one or more weights? Are you willing to put them down and see what happens? The same vitality used by dancers, martial artists and socially graceful people is always present and available for you to tap into: it is your inner fountain of youth. The result is good health, youthful appearance, easy mobility and most importantly a life you truly enjoy living.

Fear of being hurt if we open ourselves up, thoughts of not being worthy, fear of feeling repressed emotions, fear of going against what is considered normal, doubt that life force is real (and much more) becomes so much a part of how we live that we shut ourselves off from that which keeps us lively and youthful, regardless of the number of birthday candles on our birthday cakes. Embracing vitality opens you to all life has to offer and the grace to enjoy it fully.

Linda White Dove
Copyright 2008 Linda White Dove
http://www.lindawhitedove.com/

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DRAWING THE LINES

As a child, I was not very good at coloring between the lines. Most of the kids I knew enjoyed coloring in coloring books. I made coloring books for other kids to color. Drawing the lines felt creative, like being a leader. Coloring in the picture seemed like being a follower and therefore much less creative. As an adult, I now understand that coloring in the picture is as much a part of the creative process as drawing the lines. Both are necessary for the picture to take form.

Although I no longer create coloring books, the metaphor of drawing the lines has become increasingly important to me. As a writer of non-fiction, much of what I write is about empowerment: about becoming aware that we each draw our own lines. We are not defined by our circumstances, left to color in a picture we do not like. If we do not like the way our lives are going, we can draw a new picture to color.

Drawing the lines is more than something I write about; it is an important part of how I write. I have written a book, which I am now editing and preparing for publication. Writing a book can feel like an overwhelming task, making it hard to get started, to keep going, and to finish. Yet I know the ease of any project is based on how I think about it. When I reframe how I think about a project, I make it easier to complete and I make the process of working on it more enjoyable. It is all in how I choose to perceive and draw the lines.

As with coloring books, the lines offer a sense of structure to facilitate filling in the picture. By experimenting with how I want to draw the lines to best complete the tasks at hand, I have developed a creative approach to completing large projects that works well for me and perhaps will work for you too. I offer here some ways in which I have drawn the lines to help me write my book. Although I am referring to it here in terms of writing a book, this approach can be applied to any large project. Whenever there is an intimidation factor due to the immensity of the task at hand, this approach helps to re-frame how you think about it in order to make it easier to complete.

Not Doing It Would Feel Worse Than Doing It
The hardest part of writing, for me, is getting started each day. I can come up with all sorts of reasons not to write. When I have difficulty getting started I consider how awful it would feel to not complete the book. The way I would feel letting my dream slip away because I am afraid of a bunch of writing and whatever else it entails makes it seem unreasonable to not follow through. How could I do that to myself? What exactly am I afraid of anyway? It is okay and totally natural to have fear. To deny my fear makes it impossible to address and resolve. I do address my fears but I do so later in the day after I am done writing. Addressing my fears is part of my writing process and it is as important as the time I spend writing, editing and doing all the other things writers do. I make time for it, but not at the same time as I am writing.

Book? What Book?
You have probably heard the advice to break larger projects into smaller steps. I have done this also. Often, though, it is still hard to get started writing each day. This is where reframing is especially helpful. Some days when the fear comes up about the immensity of the project, I pretend there is no project and I am just writing an article, or part of an article. By staying focused on the task at hand and not thinking about the larger picture, I can get myself to write each day.

Staying Encouraged
When I tell people, especially other writers, that I am writing a book, they often mention how hard it is to get a book published and suggest that I try to self publish as a way to avoid the difficulty of getting a publisher to accept a manuscript. So prevalent is this way of thinking, it could be easy for me to feel like my choices are dictated by circumstances and it is necessary to adapt to the circumstances in order to follow my dream. According to this mindset, the odds of my book being published by someone other than myself are very low because the publishing business is extremely competitive so it would be wise to consider self publishing if I want my book published.

To let the odds (which are just numbers) of being published influence me to the point of choosing to self publish (a less desirable option for what I want to accomplish) is like giving up without even trying. I can either focus on how many book manuscripts never get published or I can focus on the fact that there are stores full of books that are published by someone other than the authors themselves.

Non-writers, when I mention I am writing a book, often ask me whether I can make a living as a writer. Although my usual response is to jokingly say, “I will let you know,” I can sense their belief in limitation and it is easy to respond with my own feelings of limitation and fear. Limitation and fear are so strongly ingrained in our culture that it is considered healthy and realistic to think in a limited, fear-based way. Rising and staying above it can be challenging.

As someone who draws my own lines, I can allow fear about not making a decent income to stop me from what I really love doing or I can choose, like the many successful authors that people seem to forget about when they doubt a writer can make a good living, to be supported financially by work that I enjoy doing. I do not need to get a “real job.” I already have one and it is writing. It is all in what I choose to believe. Some people would consider me unrealistic or optimistic; I just do not feel limited by circumstances. Circumstances, like lines, can be redrawn.

Writing and Cleaning
I have found I can concentrate for short periods of time, but staying focused on writing for extended periods of time can be difficult. When I have a hard time staying focused, I alternate writing with cleaning my home. Writing is intellectual and cleaning is physical. By alternating between the two orientations, I find balance and the physical act of cleaning relaxes my mind so I can write again with a clear mind—and a clean home. A typical work session will have me writing, then taking a break to clean my toilet, then writing again, washing some dishes, writing again, making my bed, etc.

Writing Challenges for Breaking out of a Rut
I like having a routine time to write and my method of writing and cleaning works well for me most of the time. However, as someone who is bored by things always being the same way, I will sometimes try other approaches. I have tried watching television and writing during the commercial breaks. I have written in my car when I was stopped at red lights. Although I prefer writing in a very quiet environment, sometimes I will experiment with different types of music, or I will go to a busy caf? for a change of scenery. These may not be ideal writing conditions for me, but they offer challenge which sparks creativity and offers variety to get out of a rut.

Mind Games
I can use writing challenges as a way to break out of a rut, and I can also break free by reframing how I think about the obstacles that come my way. Writers block can be reframed as needing time for ideas to come together and develop before I write them down; like gestation or fermentation.

When I have trouble concentrating enough to write, I can reframe it as being in the perfect state of mind to do some editing of what I have already written. Lack of income to support my writing can be reframed as incentive to complete this project and reap the rewards of being a published author.

When even the smallest task seems overwhelming, I reframe it by comparing it to other, more difficult, things I have done. Now that I have written my book and am editing and marketing, on the days when it seems like more than I can handle, I remind myself that I wrote a book. If I can write a book, I can do a little editing and marketing! The hardest part is already past.

Whatever comes up, I imagine that the obstacles are actually supports and that my “weaknesses” are actually strengths. Redrawing the lines keeps me from being hard on myself and allows me to feel supported by the very things that once would have held me back. With mind games, I cannot lose.

Finish Line
Often as I get close to completing a writing goal, I find that I slow down and it takes me a while to finish. As much as I want to be done, I am afraid of what the next step will require and all the steps beyond that. Or the opposite takes place and I want to finish everything so quickly that I overdo it and exhaust myself.

Any competitive runner will tell you the finish line has personal significance to them beyond just being the end of the race. The same is true for writers. Sometimes I build the finish line up in my mind until the expectations associated with finishing make me want to run and hide rather than cross the finish line. Or, conversely, the drive to complete something is so strong that it is hard to have it incomplete and I do not feel a moment of peace until everything is neatly wrapped up and done.

Both the desire to avoid and the drive to finish right away come from whatever I associate with finishing. Leaving things incomplete is hard for me, as is fear of the unknown that comes after the finish line. I can reframe leaving things incomplete as allowing some time for better options to present themselves. I like knowing I have options. The better the option, the happier I feel. I can reframe fear of the unknown as being on an adventure, which is something that appeals to my sense of fun and pioneering spirit.

What Finish Line?
Another approach is to remove the finish line altogether by placing the project in the larger context of my life. There will be many projects for me to address, the process of taking on new challenges will never end because life is about all the experiences I will have. The endings and beginnings are insignificant in the larger context of life. It is much more important to be open to the wonders and joys of life than worry about small details. The meanings I attach to the finish line pale in comparison to the significance of life as a whole.

The Zen of Writing
Whatever fears I have about finishing or not finishing, the best moment in my life is right here and right now. Whatever I desire for my future, whatever has happened in my past that I am afraid may happen again: it is all irrelevant. In this moment I am writing and it feels wonderful. When I get in touch with the joy of writing, I remember the true reason why I write. I love the sensation of words flowing together onto the page and the precision of getting everything just right. My experience while creating is one of the best feelings in the world. When the reason for the task is the process of the task itself, everything else is irrelevant. Whatever your task, this is what I wish for you.

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THE SACRED IN SACRED SEXUALITY

The term sacred sexuality is in a way misleading because it can be interpreted to imply that sometimes sex is sacred and sometimes it is not. As human beings we are born with certain instincts and urges such as the urge to eat when we are hungry and to sleep when we are tired. We also have a sex drive. All three of these natural urges are necessary for our survival. Food and sleep keep us alive and so the innate need for them is an important part of our being human, so much so that it the urge is automatic. Go long enough without food and your hunger increases and increases until you can think of nothing else but how hungry you are and/or you will waste away and die. In the case of sleep you will eventually fall asleep whether you consciously want to or not.

As humans, our sex drive also has a purpose. Yes, it helps us keep our species going by creating new life, but it has another purpose as well; it is a homing signal, a reminder of from where we originated and of what is important in life. In fact, our sex drive is so strong and so important to express that it will be expressed in one way or another. Even if we try to tame it, express it in only in ways we think are socially acceptable, hold it in due to shame, fear of what others will think, cultural conditioning or other reasons, it will express, just perhaps in a way that is unfulfilling or even violent in its misdirection. Sex in and of itself is not dangerous, it is how we approach it, stifle it, misdirect it and color it with our own agendas based on past experiences, beliefs, etc. that make sex seem like less than the innate, beautiful, fulfilling experience that it ultimately is.

One of the reasons we crave sex so much is because of how wonderful it feels. This is such common knowledge that it is woven into our culture in just about every way possible. It is on our minds a lot (have you ever read one of those studies asking people how often they think about sex?!) and it is even part of how many of the products we use are promoted. Sex is part of how we respond to the people around us, and based on their response to us, we form opinions about ourselves. Sex is probably part of most every interaction we have, one way or another. It is a mental process as much as a physical thing that we “do” with someone. It is a foundation for how we feel about ourselves and how we take that sense of self into the world on a day to day basis. You can even think of sex as a currency or current of energy that we exchange in how we perceive others, how we respond to them based on that perception and how we feel about ourselves as a result. And interaction and exchange takes place, even if it is very subtle.

One of the gifts of having a sex urge is that it drives us to meet that need which often brings us together with others who also wish to meet that need. In the sexual interaction, an energy (current) exchange takes place physically but it again also takes place in how we feel about ourselves and the other(s) based on the interaction. Our past experiences have created expectations of ourselves, of our partner(s) and of the experience created together. Where it falls short of fulfillment, it is easy to attribute this to something about men, women, sex, the person or people you are with or to yourself. Thus sex has the capacity to stir up a lot of baggage, which we often continually perpetuate upon ourselves and each other. When this happens, sex can feel unfulfilling both physically and emotionally. Regardless of how much sex we may be having, if it is not fulfilling, it just leaves us wanting more and more as we try to get our fill. And if we have sex while feeling lack of trust, past hurts, repressed anger, etc. it is hard to really enjoy it fully because we are closed off to what makes sex most juicy (openness to experience it). This is similar to how some people approach food or other substances or experiences. More is not necessarily better. Nor is variety in terms of partners necessarily going to bring about the fulfillment we seek, it is how we choose to experience something that makes it fulfilling and sustaining. Experiencing the sacred in sexuality is a path of sexual and life fulfillment because it helps us to experience the whole of what sex is and what we are. Once we experience this wholeness, everything can be fulfilling if we so choose. Sex is never quite the same again.

Sacred sexuality can be thought of like stopping to smell the roses. Life is full of colors, textures, small details, tastes, sounds and more that are always present when you choose to take notice. A piece of fruit can be savored for its color, shape, size, scent, texture, taste and how it is presented (among other things). Or in a hurry to feed a hunger, we can gulp it down and not notice any of this, and feeling like we are still hungry for more of something. Sacred sexuality brings our attention to what is already present in our own bodies, in the bodies of others (if you choose to share the experience with others) and in what is created between people in the moment. In this regard sex is somewhat like dancing. An exchange of current (energy) takes place that is not just two or more people, it is something in and of itself that contains and includes whoever is present as one experience together. What’s more is that as you become aware of the sensations in your own body, it has a positive impact on the body of your partner(s) and of the overall experience.

Some people equate sacred sexuality with specific types of practices and/or techniques such as those of Tantra. Tantra is one approach to sacred sexuality but there are others such as Kama Sutra, Healing Love and more. Also, sacred sexuality can be experienced and enjoyed any time a person or people chose to savor the sensations and experience of pleasure in the moment. It can be independent of any specific approach or practices. Many people find the practices/techniques to be helpful in learning how to be aware and present to what is happening in the moment instead of stuck in the mental and emotional baggage and limiting self beliefs from the past. Since this type of conditioning is so much a part of how we interact, I believe learning and using practices and techniques such as breathwork, sound, eye contact and body movements are extremely valuable and helpful. However, it is important to keep in mind that these practices and techniques are not the full picture of sacred sexuality; they are just ways to be present and open to the fullness and wholeness of the moment. Many people equate sacred sexuality with techniques and lose track of sacred sexuality in its whole and ultimate form, which is the gift of being present (presence).

When people are truly present to themselves and each other sexually, their thoughts and baggage melts away and they become aware of the life force that sustains and unites them. The experience of divinity from which they came opens inside and around them and the feeling is exhilarating and pleasurable and much more. It is as if your senses open up even more and you feel pleasure/divinity/life force in greater depth and breadth because you are open to feeling more of it. It is always there and it is limitless. Sacred sexuality opens you to more of what is always present and this openness extends beyond “having sex” to an openness in everyday life, although the sex is really wonderful and that is a great reason for sacred sexuality in and of itself!

One of the great things about sacred sexuality is that you can choose to experience it at any time. Sexuality is life force energy (current) and it is always present. With practice you will be able to feel and enjoy your sexuality any time you wish, even if you are not with any other person or not in a relationship. Sacredness is about how you perceive things, about the openness to experiencing the divine within and around you. Any time you experience life force energy, you are experiencing sexuality. And when you shift your perception to go beyond mental conditioning, baggage, etc. by being present to the sensations in the moment, you are tuning into the sacred. Sacredness and sexuality are one…if you choose to experience them as such. From the experience of sacredness and sexuality being one, you can sense the sacredness in all experiences and all people. In life and in the bedroom, sacred sexuality can include things that many people would not typically define as sacred. However, if you are open to experiencing sacredness, you will learn from experience that it is everywhere. It is life changing and ultimately I believe it is what sacred sexuality is truly about.

A friend of mine once told me that sacred sexuality is not so much about knowing the sacredness in sex, but more about knowing that sexuality is the foundation of everything sacred in life and about life. He dreams of the day when not only would sacred be used to define sexuality but sexuality would be used to define and understand sacredness. Humanity has separated itself from sexuality; and when we objectify sexuality, we objectify ourselves by cutting ourselves off from our sacred source. Sacred sexuality is about being present to the fullness, the perfection, of our experience as human beings with our hearts and senses open to the depth and breadth that life is.

~ ~ ~

You Are a Healer

A healer does not heal with their hands, their mind, or with specific techniques. A healer heals with their heart. There are many healing modalities that a person can use to improve their lives and their health. None is more powerful than love.

If you were to learn many of these techniques and modalities you would find that love is a pattern that weaves itself through all healing. It is a constant. This is because healing comes from understanding and living your true nature. At your core, you are made of love. There is a difference between understanding that you are love and living it. This is known as the 13 inch journey, the journey for the realization to travel from you mind, where you understand it intellectually, to your heart where you feel and live it. When this happens you will know. There is no mistaking the experience.

Many people find that they experience this feeling (actually a way of being) for a while and then it disappears, leaving them feeling sad or disappointed. Indeed, there is a big difference in how a person experiences life from the love awareness as opposed to when the feeling subsides. This subsiding is a gift. It teaches that you have a choice between living in love and living in fear.

Living in love is where healing takes place. The key is not how long you can stay in love but that you realize when you have fallen out of it. Then the decision to go back to love or not is yours. And here is where the personal issues start coming up. Sometimes it seems easier or more justified to be angry, hurt, depressed or whatever. Some people will bury this realization in food, compulsive spending, over working, alcohol, unhealthy relationships or in some other way. I believe that denying who you are, denying what many people call the “I Am” is at the root of all illness be it physical, mental or spiritual. And love is the healer.

You already possess within you all that is needed for perfect health. It is simply a matter of peeling back the layers and having the courage to look inside. You will find inside a light so bright and beautiful that you may be frightened at first by its power and love. You may feel undeserving or uncertain about the responsibility of being this light. It may help you to realize that this is who you already are. Inside, every person has the same light and uncovering it is what healing is all about. All is love.

~ ~ ~

I WISH

I noticed her
Barely adolescent,
Orange T-shirt
With bright letters
That said "U Wish"
And I thought
How sad that she
Is so young and already
So angry and afraid,
Enough to wear
The sexual battlecry, the paradox
Of look but don't look,
Desire me but you're a
Jerk if you do.

I wish we could
Just allow ourselves
To enjoy each other,
To love openly, fully,
Lustfully, physically, playfully,
Tenderly without fear or shame.
No need for me to
Write this poem,
No longing I am
Unable to tame.

photo by Nina Gerzon www.ninagerzonphotography.com