I have long been fascinated with the relationship people have with their physical bodies, specifically their genitals and breasts. So many people seem disconnected from their genitals, even while they seek to experience pleasure. The amount of sexual fear, shame, hurt and cultural conditioning we carry around in our genitals can get in the way of true fulfillment and divine self awareness. Often we are unaware of the conditioning we carry.
Although it seems hard to put into words, there is a tangible, visible difference in how a man or woman carries themselves when they are truly at home with their sexuality. I have seen so many men masturbate and reach orgasm, while at the same time seeming disconnected from the emotions stored in their penises. Thus they are disconnected from their full potential as sexual beings. I remember once swimming nude with a group of friends. One of the men was dancing around on the diving board, waving his penis around like a flag. The emotion was pure joy and playfulness. He felt whole and connected to his sexuality. I also remember a man I was close with whose penis seemed full of anger and resentment. Both displayed their bodies, but only one was really open. One had a healthy relationship with his body and sexuality and the other did not.
The same is true for women. I see a lot of women, especially young women, dressed seductively, yet despite the allure of the clothing, underneath are fear, anger and resentment dressed up to look good. Or, as in the Victoria’s Secret commercials, the women pose seductively and speak in supposedly sexy voices, but they do not feel connected to their sexuality as they pose and speak. It feels empty. Watching it I feel sad. I can feel when someone is connected to their sexuality in their authenticity and is comfortable with it; it comes from somewhere deep inside of them and it expresses with naturalness, ease and joy. Fortunately, everyone has within the ability to develop a healthy relationship with their sexuality by working on their relationship with their genitalia. If I can do it, so can you.
I remember when I reached puberty. Everything started to change. The kids changed. The girls changed from a cohesive-feeling play group to focusing on boys, specifically how to get one. The boys changed from being people I could talk to and occasionally play with, to a bunch of strangers who no longer communicated directly. I felt such a sense of loss. I lost my community sense among the girls and I lost real communication with the boys. Authenticity was lost, replaced by some kind of game that I did not want to play.
I also lost a sense of freedom in regards to my body. I had developed a curvy, woman’s body and was expected to do certain things in order to be “appropriate.” One of those things was to wear a bra. My mom took me to the store where I was measured by a stern-looking lady. I left the store with several bras which felt like harnesses. I hated bras and did not want to wear them. My mom told me that I had to wear it while I was at school but afterwards I could take it off. Over time I stopped taking it off after school. I guess I got used to it, along with all the changes that happened with the other kids…or so I thought at the time. As a woman with a naturally curvy body type, my breasts got larger as I matured. I looked good in those bras modeled by the Victoria’s Secret models. I had breasts that looked nice and that men seemed to enjoy, yet for the most part I had no connection with my breasts whatsoever. I did not hate my breasts and want them to be different, yet I did not derive any pleasure from them either.
In my 20’s and during other times in my life I have gone through adventurous periods with many lovers and interesting experiences. I always felt like I was searching for something. At times I thought it was the man of my dreams, other times it was some sense of fulfillment that seemed to be elusive and lacking. I now understand it as part of re-membering my dakini self and an important part of my learning process. Anyway, being with so many lovers brought to my attention a pattern: I did not like being touched on my breasts. I did not like touching myself there either. Sometimes I just felt numb there, other times a sense of discomfort. It did not hurt, but it did not feel good. I had an aversion that translated into the physical as not wanting to be touched on my breasts. I loved being touched everywhere else, just not on my breasts.
A few years ago I dated a man who was extremely skilled in combining sacred sexuality with therapeutic energy healing and massage. He had a way of “negotiating” (his word) with fear and other blockages so that his touch and the healing and pleasure would be well received. His touch on my breasts was pure pleasure. My heart opened and I fell in love with him. He taught me how it feels to love, and from his touch on my breasts and my ability to receive it with infinite pleasure he helped me to realize that it was emotional blockages that kept me from enjoying being touched on my breasts. I am coming to understand the connection between opening my heart and feeling pleasure on my breasts. This learning is still in process. Reading what I have written about the sense of loss that I felt during puberty brought up a fresh “round” of emotions that will need to be addressed. The loss of authenticity and community (among other things I have addressed and am still addressing) contributed to my shutting down my heart and sensation in my breasts.
The reason I shared all this is to illustrate the connection between our genitalia and how we experience our sexuality. As I get more in touch with my breasts and what they can teach me, I open to experience more pleasure there and in my heart and life as well.
I hope what I have written will encourage you to experience your body in new ways that will bring you infinite pleasure. Here are some activities you can use to explore your body, unearth and resolve blockages of all kinds and enhance your ability to experience pleasure. I have found them enlightening, enjoyable and healing. I hope you will too.
To begin: Relax and tune into the body part you would like to address. Witness without judgment any images that present. Whatever images present can be worked with in several ways:
One way is to continue to witness, staying open to whatever changes present in the images as you observe. Often this will lead to the images changing: becoming more pleasant, beautiful and healing.
Another way to work with the image is to think of a more pleasant evolution of the image and trying it on to see how it feels and what healing it offers. See my post about Affluence for information on how to try something on and use it for healing. The first time I tried this, my breasts were anthills full of stinging red ants. I then changed it into volcanoes and eventually mountains. This felt a lot more peaceful. If you do not know what it is like to feel peace in a part of your body that carries trauma, trying on imagery can be very helpful.
One more way to work with whatever image presents is to open your heart and feel love for the image. Love is the ultimate healing approach and to feel love towards something or someone will often bring about a big change in your attitude towards it.
Guided imagery can be adapted to suit any body part. I was inspired several years ago by a statue of Sheela Na Gig, to journey into my vagina and womb. There was a nun standing guard in front of my vagina, which I found surprising, but as I felt love for whatever she represented, she transformed and was gone. As I traveled inside myself the connection that I felt with Source was wonderful. When I need nurturing or to sense my inner strength around sexuality, I often call upon that sense of connection by remembering how it felt.
If you have difficulty trying to imagine journeying inside your vagina in a literal way, imagine it as a cave, or choose an image that fits better for you. The same is true if you choose to journey into your penis. You can make it into a tunnel, bridge or whatever image you prefer. If you journey into your anus, choosing an image can be very helpful in getting beyond any taboo feelings about feces, anal pleasure, etc.
I highly recommend that if you are a woman, you journey into your penis and if you are a man you journey into your vagina, womb and breasts. We all have an inner masculine and inner feminine. Taking the time to explore these aspects can lead to a strong inner balance that can support you in your life, improve your sex life and help you understand the “opposite” gender.
Happy exploration! I welcome any feedback about your experiences or life changes from using these activities.
Linda White Dove
Copyright 2007 Linda White Dove
The purpose of my articles and poetry is to inspire you to see yourself and the world around you from an expanded, healing perspective. If you would like personal assistance applying the information in this article/poem to your life circumstances, the Living Oneness Attunement and the Sexual Empowerment Attunement are designed for this purpose.
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